How to Feel Confident in Every Situation

1. No matter how self-confident you are, it’s not easy walking into a party or professional meeting when you don’t know a soul. You know the person who invited you, but she is surrounded by other guests who know only her. What do you do when you find yourself with no one to talk to or nothingto say? Fear of having a bad time is enough to make some people stay at home. This is so common, it even has a name – social anxiety – and it’s the most common psychiatric disorder.

2. If you find yourself more than willing to crawl into bed with a good book every night, if shyness or fear of ridicule interferes with your diving into life, it’s strategy time. You can actually make yourself have a good time – if you don’t go out expecting the impossible. For instance, you can use parties or gatherings to practice your social skills. People at parties want to make conversation or they wouldn’t be there. Most are ready to open up. You just have to know what questions to ask them. The most important thing that we respond to when meeting someone for the first time is the degree of interest they show in us. Don’t talk about yourself. Ask about them.

3. Do you worry you will say somethingstupid or make a fool out of yourself? O.K., let’s talk about how you can prepare yourself to make more or less intelligent conversation. Avoid asking,”What do you do?”. Strangers don’t like the feeling they are being evaluated by their job. Also stay away from “Are you married?”. “Don’t I know you?” can usually get the conversation going. By the time you’ve gone through place of birth, summer camp, college, sport club, you are on your way to a new friend.

4. Shy people are self-referential. They tend to focus on themselves and their potential failings. But they can turn this anxiety into energy aimed outward, toward others. If you are having a less than wonderfultime at a party, it helps to know that other guests are in the same boat. You are hoping to find somebody interesting to talk to. That’s why all of you are there.

5. Walter Anderson suggests keeping a worry diary. Write down everything you are anxious about before you go to a party. Make a list, e.g.:

1) No one will talk to me.

2) If someone does, I won’t have anything to say.

3) My clothes won’t be right.

Later, when you get home, see if any of these worries actually came to pass. Did anyonetalk to you? Were you dressed appropriately? When you check your worry diary, you’ll see that all worry before the party was a major waste of time, not to mention psychic energy. Somebody did talk to you. You held up your end of the conversation. You looked fine. Pretty soon you’ll say to yourself, ”Why do I do that to me?” And then you’ll stop. Walter Anderson also suggests a form of visualization: ”When you are alone in a room, ask yourself, “How would I act in a group if I weren’t shy? How would I act if I were confident? What would I say?” Then imagine yourself acting this way. Picture yourself talking with confidence and then follow that behaviour.

8. Прочтите весь текст и ответьте письменно на следующие вопросы.

1) What makes people stay at home?

2) What is the most important thing when meeting people for the first time?

3) Why are shy people self-referential?

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