Assertive Communication

Assertiveness means standing up for yourself. This happens when a person finds the middle ground between being passive and aggressive. Unlike an aggressor, when a person is assertive they respect others while expressing your beliefs, thoughts, and feelings in an appropriate, direct, and honest way. It's not about being liked, as with passive behavior. It's about being respected. When threatened, an assertive person will tactfully speak up on their behalf instead of resorting to fighting, fleeing, or freezing. Assertiveness is a win-win situation for both parties involved in the interpersonal communication. Assertive people don't overreact to the situation, but give the other person consideration for their feelings. Assertion is about dealing with issues when they are small and not letting them escalate.

Example: Your employee comes in late a few days in a row. For someone who is assertive, this means calmly asking the employee to come into your office. Standing in their cubicle will draw attention to them and may make them feel embarrassed or angry. The assertive manager might then say, "The past couple days I've notice that you've been a few minutes late and I'm concerned." Then, give the employee a chance to explain as there may be a valid reason for the offense.

Assertive Verbal Characteristics:

• Sincere, warm, firm, steady, and clear.
• Voice is appropriately loud for the situation.
• Uses "I" statements, co-operative phrases, & states facts.
• Considers other's opinions & feelings, suggests rather than tells.
• Gives constructive criticism without blaming.
• "What are your thoughts on..." or "How about..." or
• "When you interrupt me, I feel upset".

Sincere, Warm, Eye contact Assertiveness.

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Assertive Body Language Non-verbal Characteristics:

• Direct eye contact, receptive hearing, & erect stance.
• Open hand gestures, steady features, jaw relaxed.
• Facial expressions meet person's feelings (happy, angry, etc.)

Assertive Beliefs & Thinking:I don't have to attack others to win this argument.

Or...

I don't have to lose this argument for others to win.

Positive Effects of Assertive Communication

• Your self-confidence increases as you stand up for yourself in a polite way.
• Resentment will not be an issue if you respectfully speak up for yourself at the time.
• By being less preoccupied with self-defense, you can listen and care for others.
• The likelihood of getting what you want out of life increases dramatically.

Negative Effects of Assertive Communication

• Coworkers may sabotage your assertiveness if they benefited from your passivity.
• If not properly conveyed, it can be confused with being rude or aggressive, or
• Others may perceive you to be overly confident or arrogant.
• Reshaping childhood beliefs and values can be frightening.
• There is no guarantee of a positive outcome.

Relaxed Assertive Manager

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To Conclude...

An overly assertive manager can be confused with being rude or aggressive. On the other hand, bosses who do not speak up can be viewed as weak or cowardly. Remember the aggressive manager who told their employee that they needed to be more assertive? Well, according to the Harvard Business Review, it is not necessary to be assertive all the time. As stated above, an effective manager knows how to adapt and balance their communication style with tact and professionalism, thereby earning them more respect from their employees. Be prepared to use both passive and assertive communication styles in different circumstances. For example, there will be times when your group needs to be motivated to achieve a difficult task. When your employee's clearly understand the steps needed to complete the task, you can take a more passive approach by allowing them to take on more responsibility. Flexibility is one of the most desirable qualities of a manager. Beneath flexibility are the abilities to be non-reactive and non-controlling for a speedy response time. "Use your emotional intelligence to determine when being assertive will be motivating rather than stifling, and laying low will be appropriate rather than discouraging" (Harvard Business Review, 2010).

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